I don't want to look back at my year and say 'wow, I sure wasted a lot of time on the internet'. So I'm Twittering and Facebooking less, and probably won't be on IM as much either. I'll still blog from time to time, it's not like I'm abandoning all internet communication, I'm just making an effort to throttle back. The internet is a weird way to feel connected with people you aren't actually spending time with, it is a false connection in some ways that can leave you feeling empty. So why not invest time in actually doing things with people IRL? And when I can't go out (like kid weeks) and I don't have friends who are interested/available in coming to hang out at Mission HQ, that is a great time to read, paint, knit, game, or do things to improve my home. Or work. Yeah, I'm still doing a lot of that at night and on weekends too.
Since deciding this, I have spent some great quality time with the kids, invested a few hours into refreshing my household budget for 2009, worked, devoured the short book This Is For You by Rob Ryan (a Valentines gift from a dear friend), and started reading Gods Behaving Badly by Marie Phillips. I love reading, and haven't done nearly as much as I would like in the last several years. At first choosing a book from my very large collection of Things I Bought But Haven't Read Yet was intimidating. The last book I read was Farenheit 451 and it made such a deep and profound effect on me, I figured anything I chose would be disappointing by comparison. Given how out of practice I am at leisure reading, I decided to start with popular fiction that I know a friend is also reading.
The premise of Gods Behaving Badly is that 12 Greek gods are still on earth and living in a townhouse in London. Artemis is a dog walker. Apollo is a TV psychic. Aphrodite is a phone sex operator. Dionysus is a DJ. Eros has become a Christian. And being immortal but no longer worshipped, they are bored, unhappy, and losing their powers. The first night I picked up the book I read through chapter 12. The final page of chapter 12 said something that struck me deeply, and reminded me of why I loved F451.
"If you knew you only had a hundred years to live," he said eventually, "what would you do with the time you had left?"
-Eros to Artemis
An excellent question that underlies many of my favorite movies too (American Beauty, Stranger Than Fiction). If you aren't happy now, what are you waiting for? Life is finite, and no one knows how much time they have left, so figure out what makes you happy and go do that.
It surprised me that this first seemingly trivial book I choose to read reminds me of my goals for 2008, to live deliberately, that every day I wake up I have within myself the potential to do anything, and the future holds untold opportunities. I do not want to drift through life, don't want to make my decisions based on comfort of the known/present or on fear of the unknown/future. I don't want to live my life based on what other people or society think I should want or do, but go out and experience everything the world has to offer. So I guess it isn't such a bad book to start with after all, because it reminded me of this and reinforced the decision to adjust where I have been spending my time of late (sorry Tweeps).
And then, the very next night, a friend had the following message on his IM:
"no matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back"
I'm not a spiritual person, I don't believe in 'signs', I think people see what they want to see most of the time. Maybe I'm looking for inspiration or validation that my life philosophy isn't totally naive and crazy. I don't know. I just know that I had a challenging winter and am feeling more like my usual self again, filling my life with hope for a future full of joy and happiness, rich new experiences and rewarding interactions with the world around me. I'm feeding my soul with music and books, and trying to focus on the limitless potential of the wide open future. I know there will be sadness and hurt, that is inevitable and part of life. And that's okay. I'm not so Suzy Sunshine as to think that life will ever be 100% perfect 24/7. I still choose to look for the good each day. Just trying to stack the Self Fulfilling Prophesy deck in my favor.